Authentically Awesome

To find that you truly appreciate the presence of an individual and/or individuals only after a considerable amount of time spent together may be looked upon as moments having fluttered into a growingly distant past or as a resounding reminder of the awesomeness that these individuals possess and the awesomeness that they have emanated and are still emanating directly into one's life. I choose the latter.

Spending an otherwise unproductive weekend with friends whom I have not seen or even spoken to in quite a while was a rejuvenating time. It was rejuvenating because it made me aware and awake again to the connections I have almost neglected. Precious connections, irreplaceable by newfound ones, because these individuals are so amazingly authentic in their own quirky ways.

You are a loudspeaker, a good ol' reliable loudspeaker.
You are a laughing machine, a machine of infectious laughter.
You are a verbal mirror of emotions, a reflection of sincerest desires.
You are a pillar of reliability, a constantly available help desk.
You are an adult child, a mature soul within which lies and from which shines a child's enthusiasm and creativity.

You are all Authentically Awesome.

With deepest gratitude,
Love to all of you!

Tube of Realisation

To be from where I am, one would learn to despise local train rides. I have not had my fair share of encounters with instances of a failed public transportation system so I'm not numb to train rides yet. Numbness would only mean that I could not be bothered anymore with delayed trains, selfish passengers and stuffy coaches. Train rides would just be a passing blur of necessary commute to get to my destination. And that would be sad because then I would not be present to the present and so I would be spending an hour of every week in a state of non-existence. Hence, I am grateful that I am not numb to train rides. Not yet, hopefully never. I am happy that I am still complaining about it and dreading it. To still have reaction to unpleasant experiences means that I am existing in that moment of unpleasantness. Which means I exist in moments of pleasantness. Which means I am just as capable to react to pleasant experiences. And that would not be sad, that would be awesome.

To the train ride I had yesterday night,I thank you.
You showed me the night outside from the windows of your cooling, spacious tube.
You evoked in me a fond familiar feeling of arriving on the tarmac of a foreign airport at night in a dimly lit cabin of an impressively constructed aeroplane.
I thank you too, street lamps in the distance, for that, because you are the very stimulus to the evocation of that feeling.
Thank you, train ride on the night of yesterday, because you reminded me that I have much more freedom than I had just a few months ago.
To have that freedom, I am reminded that I am now more free to feel, to explore, to discover, to learn, to create, to experience.
I was close to going into a state of unawareness of this freedom I actually am so privileged to possess.
Thank you, train ride, for nudging me into my present.

You are awesome, train ride, because you made me a happy person, even if it was only
for that hour.

You are awesome, freedom, because you can come self-invited anytime, anywhere.

My Anything

This is not excitement, this is not a sudden gratification for the fact that I am alive and well. This is Something. It is Something because it can be Anything. It is Something because that means it has the endless possibility of being whatever it wants to be. And it can create Anything. That is the most awesome part of it.

I want to sing.
I want to laugh at myself.
I want to laugh with people.
I want to laugh with life.
I want to sing laughter.

I want to be awesome.
I want to let my family know that they are awesome.
I want to let everyone who has made a drive through my life know that they are awesome.
I want to be that one spot of awesomeness in a whole dense sphere of awesomeness that makes this world so awesome.
I want to let my family and everyone who has made a drive through my life know that they are the spots of awesomeness in my embodiment of awesomeness that makes me awesome.

I can want whatever I want. And this Something will be the tool for me to create my Anything.

Feel free to conjure up a world of your Anything.

Nomad. Know & Do.

Within the perimeters of music, I was a nomad. Shifting from the zones of Making & Listening to Just Listening, I was consistently inconsistent. Thankfully, I was never out of the perimeter. Sadly, often times, I would look or think about the piano in my house and create that I wasn't in the mood to do anything with it. At other times, I would look or think about the guitar that sits next to the piano and create that I wasn't in the mood too or that I wouldn't get to pick up learning this new instrument on my own. Even with the most intimate instrument that any individual can have - our voice - at times I would create that I "didn't feel like it". Very often I would fantasise about having the talent to do whatever I want to on the instruments I play. But then there would always be that "If only" which hampers it all. Hence, a nomad I became.

It frustrated even myself to be a nomad because I definitely had no intentions to be one but within myself, there was always this collision between knowing and doing. I know but I just did not allow myself away from the plateau, taking off from imaginary flatness.

This week, I participated in a choir competition. This being my first exposure to an international coming together of music, in a way, I was enlightened. Short of being a big scale event, its humble size perhaps enabled me to be more absorbed in the moment. And those two hours of music and choral singing allowed me the mental preparation for a take off from where I am right now.

Being completely enraptured in music is a wondrous flight for the mind and soul. I know because I have been on the flight. But I have forgotten because it's been too long since the last time. Watching my fellow singers and musicians delving deep into their musical selves only fueled me to search again and unleash mine.

For as long as I have typed, I was careful to use the past tense especially when mentioning I was a nomad. I may not have taken off yet, but I create that I am not giving the time and musical experience I had this week its fair justice if I don't take off anytime soon.

To a crescendo of a take-off and a consistently consistent flight,

I know and now I do.

"Feeling"

The vastness still lies before me.
I am not standing on the same plateau anymore, therefore I do not view the vastness in the same way as I had when I first arrived.
The ground I set my feet upon now - it feels like another plateau.
But "feeling" is only a feeble state of mind, an allowance of inactivity.

The vastness still lies before me.
I have nothing to race against.
I have all passiveness within myself to overcome.

"Feeling" is a feeble state of mind, an allowance of inactivity.
Hence I need to "feel" less, but "know" more, "create" abundantly.

The vastness still lies awaiting before me.

"I'll Be Sad Later."

The above words were said by Eliot's mother when she and her husband were on the Oprah Winfrey show.

Eliot's parents, out of volition, made the choice to share the gloriously beautiful story of their little baby. Now countless hearts have been touched, many souls have been awakened.

99 days of pure happiness, celebrating the existence of a precious infant.



A lifetime of wonderful memories, rejoicing in the eternal happiness of God's little angel.

Classic!

Problem statement: Does the effectiveness of humour decrease with the number of times one watches a particular movie?

Hypothesis: The effectiveness of humour DOES decrease with the number of times one watches a particular movie.

Apparatus and materials: "Mr. Bean's Holiday" movie

Procedure:
1) The movie "Mr. Bean's Holiday" was watched for the THIRD time.
2) Results are recorded as below.

Results:
1) Audience (which only comprised of myself) cannot help feeling pleasantly entertained.
2) Audience (which only comprised of myself) had a good giggle.

Conclusion:
Hyothesis is rejected.
The effectiveness of humour DOES NOT decrease with the number of times one watches a particular movie. (Particular reference to "Mr. Bean's Holiday")

* The above experiment was not conducted according to proper scientific procedure. Any statements made in the report above are solely the personal opinion of the individual who carried out the experiment. The individual takes no responsibility in the case of any other individuals choosing, out of own free will, to trust the words of the individual who carried out the experiment.

* The above conclusion only pertains to the movie "Mr. Bean's Holiday" (perhaps also to the episodes from the truly classic "Mr. Bean" series) and no others as the individual who carried out the experiment had used ONLY the above movie as the subject of the experiment.

Attached to this report is a clip of the individual's most loved scene:



Vive le Bean!^^

Stand Firm, Not Rigid

Try carrying out a routine which you have been doing at the same place, for the same duration of time, now at a different place, a different atmosphere but still keeping an equal amount of time. I have tried it and in a way, it creates a different effect, or feeling, if you may. To describe that difference would be pretty tricky as it really is a very subtle, almost insignificant difference. But as minor a change as it may be, it is actually very detectable.

When I realised that, my mind somehow created an immediate connection between the above situation and the way we think or perceive. I would liken both this way:

Routine act & Time = Our mindset
Location of carrying out routine act = The concept within our mindset

It is really an obvious analogy. When we do a certain activity for a certain period of time at a certain place, and then try to do it in a different location (even if that means only moving from one room to another room or having music on when it used to be that there was only silence), it is almost inevitable that there will arise a particular difference in the effect or feeling which we would get after the routine. Similarly, shifting the dominant concepts or ideas which are contained in our mindsets would definitely create a difference in the way we perceive and ultimately, in the way we feel about ourselves and the way we act.

Random thought: I am beginning to sound like a motivational speaker. But really, my intention is just to speak/post/type my thoughts (which were created this morning).

Just after typing the above sentence, I was interrupted by a man who checks the electricity meter and gives electricity bills (I call them simply as, the "electric men"). That short encounter itself has given me an extra point to support my thoughts. It is now noon here and the KL sun is perhaps laughing out a hearty one (a little too hearty, perhaps). Walking from house to house with a little calculating machine in hand, dressed in an all blue uniform, I don't suppose being an "electric man" is exactly exciting. But this man whom I just met a little while ago portrayed otherwise. Walking to the meter with a jovial hello, passing me the bill with a thankful welcome, moving on to the next house with a smile in his voice, humming loudly, I could sense not a hint of reluctance or boredom. I am not yet capable of deducing the activities in his mind but I am almost certain that the level of joy and sincerity he has in his job is empowered by the fact that he created himself to be so. Or rather, he allowed himself the space to create a mindset which would bring him happiness and enjoyment in life, regardless of circumstances. Needless to say, another little encounter I am happy to add into my bagpack of gratitude.=)

I myself have been a victim of a stubborn mind. There is a sense of false accomplishment that I obtain when I seemed to have successfully stood my ground. But I think the question is, by being so deeply rooted into the ground we are standing on, are we allowing ourselves to grow?

Exploration and creation in life (whether minor or major) can only truly begin when we free ourselves to explore and create flexibility in our minds, carrying our roots along.

Mind Over Matter

As I am typing this post, listening to the enthusiastic cries of a little boy to his parents next door, I am wondering what my friend in her "kampung" is doing. I am inspired by her decision to remove herself from the hustle and bustle of the city to indulge in the tranquil and freshness of her "kampung". If I had the place and opportunity, I would not hesitate at all in spending a good three months in a "kampung", a real "kampung". Taking in the natural scent of Mother Earth, embracing the beauty of a simple life of giving and sharing. I have never been to a true "kampung" so perhaps my thoughts of what one really is are not accurate, but I hold conviction in its wonderful simplicity no cities can offer.

While I am here in KL thinking of, discovering and trying ways to be a contributing child of Mother Earth, my dear friend is reaping joy and fun from her chilli planting project. It is not a major one, as it is obviously shown in the pictures (which also show the other larger planting grounds), but the moral profits she would and is already gaining, are, I believe, very precious. To watch something grow from a seedling into a fruit-bearing plant, to foster care and attention on the wellbeing of it, is definitely an enlightening experience. What is more, she is giving back to the soil we have all taken so much from.







I may choose to blame circumstances for not being able to accomplish what I desire - in this case, to spend time in a "kampung", to give back to Mother Earth like how my friend is doing. On the flip side, I may choose to gather the resources that I have now and shower my concern on feasible projects with the tools and materials I currently possess.

Circumstances are mere excuses, a means of escape.
There is always something that we can do HERE and NOW.

From Where You Came, You Shall Return To

Orang berbudi, kita berbahasa,
Alam memberi, manusia menerima.

Namun sejauh manakah manusia mampu menerima sekiranya alam sudah tiada apa-apa lagi yang mampu diberi?

Explanation: I am speaking to a Malay friend of mine as I am typing this post hence the urge to use the Malay Language. =)

My father did a pretty decent job trimming the tree in our so-called garden today. As I was helping him to clear away the beautiful green trimmings, it was almost painful to just imagine them being carried away in a truckload of other trash from around the neighbourhood (the "trash", I believe, really are mostly recyclable material and organic wastes which deserve far better treatment than to be dumped in a landfill, taking their time to decompose to release the absolutely unnecessary methane gas - which reminds me; I am still thinking of ways to reduce the amount of trash produced in my home). So we proceeded to act green - taking the trimmings to a roadside land near our house and spreading the greens over the greens and browns of nature, where a little tree stood, nodding in thankfulness as it pondered upon the abundant nitrogenous nutrients it would, in time, obtain. (Perhaps a little too heavy on the personification here.)

As grateful as the little tree is, I bow to it in greater humility and gratitude for it is with it that I began my green adventure. It is my prayer that my adventure would blossom with the fruitful growth of this little tree.

Someone on the series "Big Ideas For A Small Planet" once said that being environment conscious is like catching the flu bug. There is no cure to it.

I wish not for a cure. There should not be a cure anyway.



Going green generates genuine goodness!

Thou Shalt Cross The Finish Line If Thou Hath Chooseth To Begin The Journey

I began reading "The Harmony Silk Factory" only to pass my time, never thinking that I would actually finish the book anytime soon. Not one to leave an author's work halfway interpreted, I intended to finish the book, but perhaps over a longer period of time, simply because I kept falling asleep after every few pages, regardless of time and location. My initial thoughts of the book - pretty long-winded, a little too much elaboration. But I pressed on, knowing that if I wrote a book, I would appreciate it if my readers chose to swallow the contents up till the very last word. They need not digest them, but leaving a plate of food unfinished is definitely quite a blow to the chef in me. An unfinished book is analogous to unfinished food left to rot, oxidised by the air and moisture. Unless of course, if the food is exceptionally bad or contains inedible poison. "The Harmony Silk Factory" is definitely not in that category. In fact, now that I have finished the book, I would justify the fiction by saying that the reader would need to swallow all of its contents to allow them to be digested. One needs to read the whole book in order to comprehend the essence of the entire story. And that essence is a strong one. Having experimented with multiple first person's point of view throughout a story myself (which I failed as I ended up confusing my readers, but I still take pride in the fact that I made an attempt =p), Mr. Tash Aw basically managed to manifest himself into three different persons as he wrote his story. The emotions and state of mind of the three first persons are very marked and very distinct from one another. One is of a child of a father who was a communist, one is of the child's mother before she had the child, another of a close English friend of the communist father. Three completely different characters who have greatly varied personal lives, but all of whom are telling their stories which revolve around that one man who chose communism as his belief. The whole story is very properly inter-related, despite the fact that the story moves back and forth along the timeline, which could be rather confusing but it would not take long for the reader to settle into comprehension.

Random thought #1: I am turning this post into a book review. Did I intend to? I don't suppose so.



Anyway, I personally felt most connection to the third part of the story, which is the English man's first person's point of view. The reasons are vague but I suppose I was more engaged in the story here because of the type of writing used by Tash Aw in this part. Cynicism, symbolism, abrupt transitions, all of which are highly representational of the emotional state of the "I" in the story. Again, I myself love to write in such a manner, so perhaps that is another reason why. However, Mr. Tash Aw is, undoubtedly a qualified writer in every sense and I am just an occasional amateur.

Random thought #2: I think I need to change my title. Amateur but without the occasional.

Random thought #3: I have been typing away, reflecting upon a book that I read, and yet no words come to me as I try writing my personal statement for a pre-tertiary education institution application. Could it just be human nature that when we are required to do something, it somehow becomes more difficult than when we do something out of our own free will? If so, I must not succumb to human nature then. It is really not "difficulty" but rather, "procrastination". I choose, out of my own free will, to not procrastinate anymore.

Random thought #4: Green living, enlightened living. I really need to focus and get myself working. The vastness is still there, waiting for me, but I am not moving away from the plateau. Well, no, it is not "not now". It is always now. It has to be now.
(My Mighty Father Above, please grant me the strength and motivation to move in the direction of pursuance. Amen.)

I heard this on the series "Big Ideas For A Small Planet" by the way. I paraphrase, "One of my friends said this, 'If you ever wonder what impact you, as one individual, can possibly make in this world, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito.' We need to be that mosquito."

Every little effort amounts up to something.
The only question left is, when are we beginning ours?

No, Not "Not Now". It Is Always Now.

Ta
Ta - Ki
Ta - Ki - Ta
Ta - Ka - Di - Mi
Ta - Di - Ki - Na Tum
Ta - Ki - Ta - Ta - Ki Ta
Ta - Ka - Di - Mi - Ta - Ki - Ta
Ta - Ka - Di - Mi - Ta - Ka - Di - Mi

This is the South Indian Rhythmic Solfege which I learned yesterday during the YKLS practice. A truly enlightening hour of Jazz 101.

Thanks to this guy in this video below, I was reminded of my musical inclination towards jazz.

Salutations, Mr. Az Samad,



A little knowledge makes one hunger for more. Will that hunger ever be satisfied? That is a question I have yet to answer.

One thing is definite though. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the creations on Mother Earth. The creation of humankind, the creation by humankind. Music, food, literature, artwork, places, buildings, technology, medicine, illnesses, fears, pollution (physical and non-physical), disasters.





What are we creating today?

A Moment Of Silence, Please.

"Your works on the lands and waters, I may not comprehend.
But if there is One Definite Truth, Your children are my brothers, Your children are my sisters."

We are all connected by an invisible spiritual blood vessel.
The pain and agony that flow in the veins of our brothers and sisters flow in ours.
The hope and quiet prayers that flow in our veins would flow in our brothers' and sisters' too.

For our brothers and sisters in Haiti,



A moment of silence, please.

Morning Theatre

I wouldn't fake my appreciation by saying that the housing area I live in has a beautiful backyard. Two rows of houses which backsides face each other, separated by a narrow tarred lane with gates for security at opposite ends is pretty much the only way I can, at this moment, think of describing it. Since my room is located at the back of the house, the backyard is pretty much the first thing I see every morning (excluding whatever that comes into sight the second I awake from sleep). It has been a little more than a month since I began my day by stretching, looking out of the windows at whatever that my eyes choose to wander to. But it is only yesterday that I realised I have been, unknowingly to myself, recognising and becoming accustomed to the presence of a family of four birds in the backyard. Actually, I am not too sure myself if they are a family. I doubt they are. I am not too sure even if they are always the same four birds. This I think they are. But I am not into ornithology so I am not able to tell with conviction. Anyway, every morning, the four birds would always be around, perched somewhere along the electric cables or on the roofs of my neighbours' houses. Perhaps there are more than four of them, but four is always what I see. If I could speak animal or even speak bird, I would love to say a word of gratitude to these four birds. As I do my morning stretches and twists, my room windows serve as a television box, and I am tuning into the backyard channel with the daily broadcast of "The Antics Of The Four Birds". I do not know how many of us actually take the time to watch the birds near our houses, but I think it really is quite a pleasant entertainment. More than that, it simply brings a sense of tranquil. Not all of us have the knowledge to understand their actions and behaviours but we all possess the power of imagination, the beauty of creating. So I took the liberty of composing my own interpretation and truthfully, allowing our minds to enter a state of fantasy first thing in the morning is a pretty awesome way to start any day! We could even take a step further by listening and paying attention to the sounds of the morning, incorporating the audio elements into our self-generated stories of "The Morning I Woke Up". In my case, the chirping of the birds is my morning sound. I am thankful for a quiet neighbourhood (or rather, a quiet backyard) because that allows me to direct my focus to the natural songs sung by the natural flying family, which I now acknowledge as a company to my morning routine. There really is nothing more calming than paying attention to the sounds of our surroundings, wherever we are. Even in the noisiest of situations, if we choose to shut off sight and enlarge our hearing capacity, we could still gain some form of tranquil. Perhaps when we master the art of listening,we would also learn what I would term as selective hearing. Then we could shut off sounds which are disturbing and amplify sounds which are pleasing and Feed Ones. But this is, of course, just another one of my random wandering thoughts. For now, I am grateful for my mornings simply for being the way they are.



Pay attention. Imagine. Create.=)

Want, Need, Should

This morning, as I began my day with a prayer of gratitude, I realised that there really is not anything in the current state of my life that I can rant or fret about. I reflected upon the "issues" that I have to deal with and finally came upon the light of seeing that the "issues" are not "issues" after all.

I attended my first practice with the Young KL Singers (YKLS) yesterday and with utmost conviction I can announce in pride that I have not made a wrong decision. Granted this opportunity to be part of a group of people who share a common passion for singing and music, I know that I have created for myself a journey which would be enriched with new friends and fresh experiences, be they be in performing or working with others, social enlightenment, or musical and artistic enhancements within myself. As time takes its course, I would also take my course of change, hopefully also inviting Ones along the way. Knowing now what the whole year plan of events is in the YKLS, I am genuinely excited to be treading upon this path which I am yet to be familiar with, wanting to participate in everything that is on the calendar. My selfishness is disillusioning me into thinking that it is possible. However, my conscience and sensibility is telling me otherwise. The "issue" is, I am in an education limbo. Still not knowing where I will be when my pre-tertiary education begins and the academic schedule which I would be attached to, I have no decision control over my participation in any of the major events which have been planned. In fact, I do not even know if I could still be in this wonderful group which I have been given the opportunity to be in. Pondering upon this situation, I did wonder if I had made a wrong decision when I set my mind upon auditioning to be a member of the YKLS.

But as I said my thanks this morning, gratitude drew upon me the light to see that what I have viewed as a potential reason for regret, anger and frustration is really an occurence which is subtly teaching me to make picometres of changes to myself and the way I perceive situations. If I have viewed my position in the education limbo as an obstacle to the path of learning and freshness which YKLS offers, I now find myself to be very fortunate because my so-called "issues" are about things that I actually love doing. One is pursuing my dream in psychology and another is pursuing my passion in music and singing, which basically means that whatever I decide, I am still embracing my desires and passions. Going deeper into the situation, my dilemma is actually training me to be more matured and sensible in making decisions which would affect the future, near or far. My desires would bring me to make rash decisions which would eventually cause anger and irritation. On the flip side, using my logical reasoning and rationale, perhaps there will be some disappointment but at least I can take comfort in knowing that the decision is the best I can make in the here and now. Who could tell, perhaps through this decision, I would somehow open my life up to far more beauty, which I could carry along in my bagpack of gratitude.

As unwilling as we are to admit this fact, there truly is a bright side to everything. If we will ourselves to ponder and to allow situations to speak for themselves, perhaps then it will be possible to convert every happening, good or bad, as an experience to Feed Ones. And our bagpacks of gratitude would be more than willing to accept more and more Ones into its family of acknowledgement and thankfulness.

We Can Heal

I always feel, even as a child, that elephants' eyes tell things. There is a certain nostalgia that is reflected by them, perhaps even wisdom. While that may only be a creation of what my eyes choose to see and what my mind chooses to decipher, this video (and a few others I have watched) gives evidence that elephants are more than just Earth's largest land animals.



Anyone could utter these words meaninglessly, "Nature has so much to offer". In reverse, what can we offer nature? Our Mother we are living on now has and still is protecting us in Its silent, noble ways. Are we, as children, doing what we could to protect Her?

She is still graciously serving Her children despite the ills which we have inflicted upon Her.

I owe Her too big an apology. It is so big that merely saying it would be pointless.
Actions speak louder than words.
I am going to live up to that maxim.