Within the perimeters of music, I was a nomad. Shifting from the zones of Making & Listening to Just Listening, I was consistently inconsistent. Thankfully, I was never out of the perimeter. Sadly, often times, I would look or think about the piano in my house and create that I wasn't in the mood to do anything with it. At other times, I would look or think about the guitar that sits next to the piano and create that I wasn't in the mood too or that I wouldn't get to pick up learning this new instrument on my own. Even with the most intimate instrument that any individual can have - our voice - at times I would create that I "didn't feel like it". Very often I would fantasise about having the talent to do whatever I want to on the instruments I play. But then there would always be that "If only" which hampers it all. Hence, a nomad I became.
It frustrated even myself to be a nomad because I definitely had no intentions to be one but within myself, there was always this collision between knowing and doing. I know but I just did not allow myself away from the plateau, taking off from imaginary flatness.
This week, I participated in a choir competition. This being my first exposure to an international coming together of music, in a way, I was enlightened. Short of being a big scale event, its humble size perhaps enabled me to be more absorbed in the moment. And those two hours of music and choral singing allowed me the mental preparation for a take off from where I am right now.
Being completely enraptured in music is a wondrous flight for the mind and soul. I know because I have been on the flight. But I have forgotten because it's been too long since the last time. Watching my fellow singers and musicians delving deep into their musical selves only fueled me to search again and unleash mine.
For as long as I have typed, I was careful to use the past tense especially when mentioning I was a nomad. I may not have taken off yet, but I create that I am not giving the time and musical experience I had this week its fair justice if I don't take off anytime soon.
To a crescendo of a take-off and a consistently consistent flight,
I know and now I do.
